My Story (Part 6) The Recap

“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible” - Audrey Hepburn

I would like to start this post by acknowledging how triggering the topic of ‘infertility’ can be and that there are so many nuances under the umbrella of ‘infertility’ and identifying with the term, especially considering that each and every person’s experience, journey and even treatment plan is so different.

Take IVF for example, before becoming a highly nuanced patient myself, I thought one just ‘had IVF’ without realising that we are all treated completely differently based on a certain set of circumstances and our specific hormonal and medical nuances. Most people don’t know this and most people don’t know the first of it, or the last and certainly not the middle because no one talks about it, not really.

As I have said previously, you can only know how it truly feels to be one of its sorry members, if you have had the misfortune yourself of being classified, infertile. I do think the pain is akin to anyone who has trauma from or is suffering through a serious health diagnosis though. It robs you of your joy and vitality and comparing yourself to someone else can rob you of your peace too. However there is A LOT to be said for hope.

If you have been reading along, you also know that I wanted to share my story before ‘everything worked out’ because those people didn’t exist for me. I lived life as someone with ‘unexplained infertility’ for four years and suffered in silence and felt deeply alone and had absolutely no one to look to in my situation. No tools to lean on, no resources handed to me, I had to figure it all out on my own. Suffer alone. Pull myself up from the gutter alone. The medical system had given up on me, they literally didn’t want $1 of our money after only two attempts at IVF. I had exhausted every accessible avenue of alternative therapy, health and wellness and stretched my financial, social and environmental resources to their limits.

What I eventually did was conceive a baby girl—naturally. How I did this, I believe, was the result of many many factors at play: some scientific, some unexplainable, all working together in divine unison, ultimately culminating in what doctors called a ‘medical marvel.’ And I want to unpack it all!

The truth is, I can only speak to my story and I understand that from this part onwards, things could start to get extremely triggering for someone still dealing with this battle or even for anyone who has been on an infertility journey and come out the other side because infertility is not your fault. It is not fair. I don’t think you can magically cure yourself, I also don’t know how to explain what happened to me, all I can do is share my truth and unpack what I think helped.

When learning of my pregnancy, I suddenly became reluctant about sharing anything, even though it’s all I had been gearing up to do. Did anyone want to hear from me now? Would my story help or hinder others? I hate that my story could potentially trigger someone for even a morsel of that sting in the guts I too know well but I realised that if I can help even one person feel less alone than I did, my life would have meaning.

Every top fertility specialist I saw was wrong about me, so just incase they are wrong about you or someone you know or you struggle with it all to a point of no return when maybe there’s another way, let’s do this.

This is what I think actually transpired in the final months leading up to my natural conception, what helped me heal and thrive.

• The Antibiotics for Ureaplasma Parvum
  Firstly, there were the antibiotics we took for the ureaplasma bacteria that showed up on our bloods with our final fertility doctor. There is not a lot on the internet about this condition as research into it is limited because, controversially, who is going to invest in it? Surely not the IVF clinics, if one dose of antibiotics for two weeks can help cure unexplained infertility! However from what we could find, the bacteria has a lot to do with helping the male sperm mobility. So while this was definitely a contributing factor for us, nothing can help unless there is still a good egg ready to go in the woman at the right time. As we all know by now, this was not my forte previously. As someone with an AMH as low as mine, there still needs to be the perfect egg waiting to be fertilised at the perfect time and this doesn’t happen by miracle. The take-away here is, if you have unexplained infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss and haven’t explored this - ask your doctor to swab you for the bacteria or find a doctor who can and if you show up positive, get the antibiotics which you take at the same time as your partner for two weeks. It is unlikely an IVF clinic will suggest it. Please feel free to get in touch with me for the doctor who helped us with this!

• The Baby Maker aka Chinese Herbalist

  For seven (7) months prior to this I had been on up to 150 Chinese herbs per day with the herbalist previously referred to as ‘the baby maker’. She warmed me up and cooled me down throughout my cycle and although we had already given up on it by this time, I think it played a very significant role in my egg quality and I had been seeing her still even one month prior to falling pregnant. Again, get in touch if you would like her details, she can help with an array of conditions but is far out of left field, so don’t expect convention with this one. Her place is like stepping into a potions class at Hogwarts. Something I always remember she said about trying to conceive and to know when you are ovulating, was - if you feel incredibly frustrated but it’s the kind of frustration where sex could help relieve it (because let’s admit this is definitely not the case all month long), then it is a good time to go for it!
  

• The Sunburn
  This is just my theory and definitely not a medical thing, per se but I was actually extremely sunburnt the night our baby was conceived. I got burnt in Port Douglas so badly, the worst I ever have been and weirdly it wasn’t hurting yet but it looked shocking and apparently being sunburnt can lower the immune system. Now for women who have an immune fighting response to a pregnancy, lowering the immune system can be an effective treatment. In the IVF world this treatment is known as ‘The Bondi Protocol’ and is something we were potentially going to explore further because we had heard of it from a family friend. Our doctor actually said we hadn’t gotten far enough in our investigations to know if I had these antibodies, however he still treated me like a patient who shows these indicators and that is why I had the Intralipid infusions, just incase (also age).
  So it is an interesting theory, all of that considered.

• (I wasn’t joking. QLD you are gnarly!)

• Nontoxic Lifestyle

  Cutting out any endocrine disruptors, BPA, Phthalates, Parabens, Artificial Fragrances, Pesticides, in all of the products I was consuming, absorbing and surrounding myself with (and still do) is without a doubt the most underrated and important aspect of a healing journey, in my opinion. If you don’t want to take my word for it, there is a bestselling book by Molecular Biologist and Biochemist, Rebecca Fett entitled, ‘It Starts With The Egg’ where she goes on to explain the importance of removing toxins from ones life when trying to conceive - so much so there is a section where she says to not even touch receipts, I am told. I didn’t actually get to read this far because just as this book arrived in the mail after I purchased it, we received our good news. Living as nontoxic as possible has huge benefits, no matter your circumstances. Quick gnarly fact I learnt recently re: toilet paper, never buy recycled for this reason because all paper including paper with ink is recycled and contains BPA that you could be rubbing on your special parts, so non-recycled is actually better. Controversial! More on this topic to come.
  

• Organic Food
  Then there is the organic food and also not eating barely any pesticides in over a year (at time of conceiving - I haven’t stopped since 2023).
  According to a study published in the British journal of nutrition, organic food can contain significantly higher levels of antioxidants than conventionally grown food, with some compounds showing up to a 69% increase. I would even go so far as to say that eating organic—meat, vegetables, fruit, and most pantry items—was the single most significant factor in making my skin look plumper and healthier than ever before. Last month I sat next to a woman on the plane on my trip to Melbourne and we got talking and I asked her what her hack was because her skin was INCREDIBLE and her reply? Organic food. She was as committed as I am to sourcing as much organic produce as possible for her family and we discussed the what’s and where’s, as it isn’t easy or cheap, but if this is the result showing up on your face, imagine what it is doing to your insides!
  I started because I was actively trying to remove the toxic chemical glyphosate from my system wherever possible, but certainly do not mind the benefits that showed up on my skin as a result.
  If health is wealth, spend your money on organic food and you will not regret it!

• The Ballet
  Now this one could sound ridiculous to some but I truly believe that getting back into ballet after 24 years away from it played a part in my healing and levels of vitality because connecting with your essence and being deep in your authenticity is life bringing. Whatever this may be for you and however you can reboot that spark from within to shine bright and fire up your engine once more, please do as it is a recipe for wholeness and vitality.

• Letting Go
  As someone who could quite fairly be called a ‘control freak’ my entire life, channeling the willingness to lean into the direction of surrender and eventually letting go was THE journey for me. It took all of my willingness and thanks to the incredible work of Kat Dawes and her Nowism teachings, stopping the ache and getting in the energy of the answer helped me prepare myself mentally for my dreams to come true.

• The Holiday

  Close your eyes and ears because this one even triggers me, to this day. All I will say here is that stress is an evil witch and doing IVF and experiencing an infertility diagnosis is about the most traumatic and stressful thing ever (yes more than moving house), so any way to unwind as often as possible, be it a gua sha session, meditation, massage, yin yoga, breathing exercises, or a holiday - it is crucial in calming the nervous system because one can only conceive when the body feels safe and is in balance and flow (thinking about this always stressed me out and made me feel overwhelmed) so I can feel how annoying this is to hear through the key pad. Do what you can but try to prioritise yourself as often as possible - how can you get more REST and JOY?

• Spirituality
  Then there’s the spiritual aspect of it all. I’ve shared quite extensively on this topic in previous Substack entries, because some of the most unexplainable things became undeniable things. I was clearly being guided by a higher power the entire time. Every single heart sign appeared at just the right moment—always at the depths of my lowest states—to make me chuckle.
  There was the healing, fertile water of the Daintree—and how, out of all the Airbnbs I looked at, and all the places in Australia we could have gone, I chose that one. The sacred healing body of water to bathe in and beside. It called to me. That sacred land, our magical experience in the rain, connecting with Spirit and Mother Nature—and, finally, surrender. Handing it all over to the universe… only to conceive our baby just 48 hours later. There was the quantum healing of my right ovary. The vision I had of a baby on my beach walk that day—only to later discover I was already pregnant. I suppose it was a vision of my future, right there on that very beach, doing a quantum healing guided meditation, trying to imagine my dreams coming true.

  (And for the record, I think my baby was just wearing a blue top — wink.)

• HyCosy Procedure

  This is another controversial one because someone messaged me to say that all HyCoSys are done after a pregnancy test now for this reason, however I would have only been just about one week pregnant when that second HyCoSy was scheduled and I was given an ultrasound — the one my partner wasn’t in the room for, mentioned in my last entry and nothing showed up. The procedure at this clinic is done in house by the same person who did my ultrasound and even though I was not offered a pregnancy test, I don’t think the hCG would have registered this early on either. So you best believe, if it wasn’t for my not wanting to go ahead with it — simply because something felt off, our little baby would have been flushed away. The takeaway here is ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT even if it feels illogical.
  

• Not Trying
  Ugh even that heading kills me to write but the looniest thing of all - we only had intercourse one time the entire holiday so it is how we know when it happened because I had my bleed for the first part, so we didn’t even conceive on a day that was technically an ovulation day or far enough into the ‘right’ time of the month! And when we did, we certainly weren’t trying to (which is of course so triggering to hear) because you try so often to relax and not overthink it when you are in these cycles of trying, it’s so so unfair but you simply cannot fake surrender, it has to happen naturally and it took me literally four years.
  I finally handed it over in every way.

If a wildflower can bloom in even the harshest conditions, so can you!

Maybe that means surrogacy or an egg donor, maybe it means moving to another country and becoming a cat lady in Paris (this was my unspoken back-up plan), maybe it means finding a way through infertility and finally becoming ok with not becoming a parent, maybe it means Chinese medicine or some other alternative route - there are so many different scenarios and infinite possibilities and potentials to make your dreams a reality.

Maybe you will be accused of ‘magical thinking’ if you lean in the direction of things working out when everyone else tells you it’s impossible. All I know now is that the gift is there, sitting under the very depths of your hardest experiences, if you will only just be willing enough to find it.

“What if this is the greatest thing that ever happened to you, that would help you have a quickening and quantum leap in your consciousness so that you can truly activate who you are in this lifetime?” This question is thanks to Kat Dawes of Nowism, my now spiritual guru.

I know that for me, this is what happened, I changed. Fundamentally. The person I was five years ago is quite literally gone and has been entirely replaced by this new person who has the same name and appearance but inside is different. I am who I was meant to become and it is thanks to this journey. It is now my dharma to share my story and everything I have learnt with the business I am building, it is my daughter’s legacy and I cannot wait to share more about Naturel Haus with you all!

Stay tuned.

P.S.

WE GOT OUR GIRL!